


A Cat Has Nine Lives

by Derae



Series: Other Tales of a Cat and a Crow [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Groundhog Day, Hope, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Zevran Arainai, Second Chances, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22468363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Derae/pseuds/Derae
Summary: Kallian lay dead after killing the Archdemon and wanting to escape from the pain, Zevran sought an end to his own life.But when he finds it, something unexpected happens and he's given a second chance to save her life.Of course, things rarely ever go as planned, and he gets thrown for a loop when things begin happening differently than he remembers.A spin-off of my other fic That One Time Where I Died and Got Reborn Into Another World where Kallian didn't tell anyone anything so things didn't happen.
Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland (Dragon Age), Zevran Arainai/Female Tabris, Zevran Arainai/Female Warden
Series: Other Tales of a Cat and a Crow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616533
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. How the Cat Broke Her Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Had been rolling this idea around for some time, and was actually working on it while also working on That One Time... I'm also still working on sequels to That One Time. I've been switching off on writing different things as they hit me.
> 
> Kalli didn't tell Morrigan her desire to die, and she also didn't tell anyone about her Traveler status... honestly, I only made this a spin-off of that because it's easier for me to reference things this way.

Everything was going as planned. He had no idea why the witch had decided to abandon them on the eve of battle, but she had. Alistair and Leliana were with them, Alistair would sacrifice his life, Elissa would rule the country and both he and his Heart would help her. 

He wouldn’t lose her. 

They would get married, and start a family together once the Archdemon lay dead… marriage, she would be his wife. The thought of that spurred him on as they fought their way to Fort Drakon. He felt sorry for Elissa, that she would lose the man she loved, but… he had lost too much to lose her too.

He’s already seen Rinna die, he did not want to watch her die as well.

The Archdemon was down, all that needed to be done was for Alistair to land the final blow.

“Zevran… I love you, and I’m sorry,” Kallian murmured and he watched in horror as the light of his life knocked her fellow Warden out and sprinted forward.

He couldn’t stop her, but Maker he tried. 

She had slipped away from him… She’d always been faster than him, always been more flexible than him, she had always been able to dance out of his reach, dodging around all attempts to stop her.

He should have known.

He should have known that she would do this, that she wouldn’t let Alistair take the final blow, but she had _promised_ him. She _promised_ that they’d both make it out of the Blight alive. She _promised_ Alistair that she’d let him take the final blow.

She had lied.

The Archdemon lay dead, and so did she.

He stared in disbelief, she wasn’t breathing, her body was already cooling… the blinding flash of light that had consumed both her and the Archdemon had taken them both.

“I do— I don’t understand,” Alistair said hysterically, “we— she— the final blow should have been mine! She told me she’d let me do it… because I rejecte— Oh, Maker… I shouldn’t have…”

“What… rejected what?” he asked.

“Morrigan… had a ritual an—” Alistair’s voice was quivering, “Maker… I should have known, I should hav— I— Zevran, I’m so sorry…”

He couldn’t even find it in himself to care… he felt numb…

She was gone.

She sacrificed her life in the hopes for a brighter future… but what light was there with her gone? The entire country attended her funeral and mourned her death… from the Elves of the Alienage who had been overjoyed to see her return, to the Dalish who saw her as Mythal reborn, to the Humans she’d aided, to the Dwarves of Orzammar… all of the hearts she’d touched with gentle kindness, patience, and love cried.

But no one mourned more than he…

Alistair and Elissa, filled with regret, became the King and Queen of Ferelden. Apparently, Morrigan had had a ritual that could have saved her life, but Alistair had declined, and Kallian didn’t want to force him to do something he didn’t want to… Even if it meant losing her life. She had always been like that, throwing aside her own wants and worries for the sake of others… always willing to sacrifice herself so that other people didn’t have too.

It hurt.

Every shovel of dirt that covered her body broke his heart anew as she was laid to rest with the sapling of a plum tree— just as she had wanted.

His entire life, he had been afraid of getting attached to anyone and anything, knowing that the Crows could and would take it away at any second… and when he’d finally allowed himself to truly love another, to truly become attached to another… she took herself away from him. She abandoned him. She left him behind even though he’d told her that he couldn’t live without her.

He hated it, but part of him was angry. How could she do that? How could she have lied to him? How could she have simply left him behind like that? After he told her that he would die without her… How could she? 

But getting angry at her for what she’s done was useless… anger wouldn’t bring her back. Anger wouldn’t allow him to see emerald eyes full of life, to hear her voice, to feel her touch on his skin.

He had thought of her as his Heart because he knew that he would surely die without her.

And so he numbly sought his own death in the hopes of being able to reunite with her in the next life.

It did not take him long to find it.


	2. How the Crow Returned to Zero

There was a loud sound, that caused him to stir…

Stir? 

He clearly remembered the pain of a knife slicing through his flesh, a blow he had been too late to deflect… and the gratitude he had felt for his assailant in the hopes that he would be reunited with his Heart.

“Kallian… are you just a master of paper?” Alistair asked.

…What?

Kallian was dead.

Alistair knew she was dead.

He delivered her eulogy, named her Father the Bann of the Alienage, mourned the loss of his sister, and laid her to rest in the Alienage. He had become a King filled with regret over the decision he had made.

“Mwa-ha-ha,” the Voice he loved laughed and his eyes snapped open.

It was her, everything about her was just as he remembered: scarlet hair, a mole under emerald eyes, but she wore her hair in the same style she had before they had returned to the Alienage.

Before the Landsmeet.

Before they had given each other their hearts…

“Am I dead…?” he wondered aloud, “is this the Fade…?”

“No, you’re not,” Kallian replied before standing shoulder-width apart in a stance he remembered all too well, “not yet, anyway.”

It was then that he noticed it: this was where they’d first met. 

The turned over cart, the fallen tree, dozens of disarmed traps, the dead bodies of the mercenaries he’d recruited.

His failed ambush, a trap she’d seen through…

But why?

Kallian had always identified with cats, and she’d said before that cats have nine lives, and that she had probably been down to four… and he’d once asked her to start over again with him… Was he starting over?

Was he… being given a second chance? A chance to save her? He knew the price of killing an Archdemon now, he knew it more than anyone here… and if he’s traveled back to the point where they first met… Then she doesn’t know the cost of killing the Archdemon yet.

But she wishes for an end all the same.

What was it that Alistair had said? That Morrigan had had a ritual that he had rejected that could have saved her?

Is that why he’s being given a second chance? 

If he really has traveled back in time, then it was best to act as if they’d never met before. If she grew suspicious, then it might not end well.

He gave her the same speech as he had before… She was still the woman he loved, she had the same expressions, the same tonal shifts, the same voice, the same mannerisms— everything. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close, kiss her senseless, and make love to her. Tell her he loved her, and listen to her tell him she loved him.

But for now, the most important person in her heart right now was Nelaros… Not him, Nelaros. A fact that hurt him deeply. He had spent an entire year attempting to win her heart, while Nelaros had only sent her letters for two months. Sure, she had expected to share her life with him, marry him, bear his children… it irritated him that this was where they were again. Her heart belonged to someone else, a man who wasn’t even alive anymore, couldn’t talk to her, share drinks with her, hold her, love her, kiss her, make love to her…

He had had her once, but now she belonged to someone else.

Well, all he has to do is win her back… she’s not into women, so he didn’t have to worry about competition from Leliana, and both she and Alistair had seen each other as family more than romantic interests. Plus, the boy would have Elissa to be his Queen.

But none of that mattered. 

What mattered was that he was being given a second chance.

This time, he would not let her die to the Archdemon, he would employ any dirty underhanded trick he could to ensure her survival.


	3. How the Paths Started to Diverge

This would prove more challenging than he thought… not only did he have to pretend that he knew nothing about his Heart, but he also needed to pretend he knew nothing about _any_ of their companions… and he’d spent almost year traveling with them. He didn’t want to seem like he knew too much.

But… seeing her alive again, served only to remind him of how much he loved her, of how much he _needed_ her in his life.

Truly, the day he stopped loving her was the day his soul ceased to exist.

He would gladly die a thousand deaths if it meant being able to stay at her side.

They went through conversations that he remembered, his Heart complaining of Alistair’s cooking, and Sten wanting a martial demonstration… the Fade had cruelly replayed these conversations over and over again in his dreams after she’d died.

Dreams…

What if this was simply another dream?

“Kallian,” he said walking up to her as she cooked dinner, “I would like you to do me a favor.”

“That depends on what it is,” Kallian replied.

“Hurt me.”

“…What kind of weird play is this? And can you not involve me in your weird fantasies?”

“Please.”

“…Hand,” Kallian sighed holding out her hand after staring him with furrowed brows for a moment.

He placed his hand in hers and relished in the feeling of her touch on his skin, as he watched her just as he had done when she’d helped him up as well, when she’d dropped him and when she’d actually helped him up. There was pain as she dug her nails into the back of his hand, creating crescent-like indentations in his skin.

It reminded him of when she’d raked her nails across his back.

But the pain was real: this wasn’t a dream.

She was alive.

“Why didn’t you just slap him?” Leliana asked.

“I’m not particularly angry right now,” Kallian shrugged, “so I wouldn’t hit hard… what I want to know is why he couldn’t hurt himself… like a pinch or something.”

“If I were to be hurt, then I’d rather it be done by a beautiful woman,” he replied smoothly.

“Okay, so why did you need me to hurt you?” Kallian asked glossing over it just as he knew she would.

“Well… this just seemed too good to be true,” he answered, “and I simply wanted to make sure that I was not dreaming.”

“…I don’t recall hitting his head,” Kallian mumbled to herself furrowing her brows, “could it have been from the impact with the ground…?”

“I am right here, you know,” he said dryly, “and I am fairly certa—”

His head was grabbed so that his Heart could press her forehead to his… this was torturous. If he were to move simply the slightest bit of distance…

“Nope, doesn’t feel like he has a fever,” Kallian sighed withdrawing.

“Why did we spare him again?” Morrigan sighed.

“Maybe it’s just his personality?” Leliana suggested.

“Oh, that could be it,” Kallian nodded, “actually, that’s more probable… why didn’t I consider that first?”

“Kallian!” Alistair called out to take her away from him just as he had before, “I need to talk to you about something!”

“Alright, alright,” Kallian sighed.

He should allow things to play out just as they had before… he shouldn’t know about Nelaros, not yet. 

He shouldn’t know about what happened to Shianni, not yet.

He caught sight of the earring in his pack… he remembered when he had pierced her ear with it.

He remembered them trying to give both it and the hairpin he’d given to her back… but no, he wanted them buried with her. They belonged to her, he’d given them to her… he didn’t want anything to remind him of her more than he already was. He had barely wanted to keep the boots and gloves she’d given him. But he couldn’t do that to her, he couldn’t get rid of them.

Peering out of his tent, he saw her by the fire as she stood and stretched to retreat to her own tent. 

He would have to be careful: she was alarmingly sharp.

They had shared a tent all the way from Denerim to Redcliffe… he wished they could again. They didn’t have to have sex: he just wanted to hold her, he just needed to know that she was here. 

But no, it was too soon, far too soon.

All he could do for now was hope and pray that she would still be alive when he woke up in the morning, because if she wasn’t… he might as well take a blade to his own throat. There was only so many times he could lose her.

And once was already far more than enough.

With a sigh, he laid down in his bedroll and stared at the roof of his tent before falling asleep.

_“Zevran… I’m sorry,” Kallian said and he could see tears in her eyes along with a burning resolve, “and I love you.”_

_He screamed her name and desperately tried to stop her, to grab hold of her and stop her from charging forward but she flowed away from him like water slipped through clenched fingers._

_And just like that, she was gone, and all he was left with was her cold lifeless body._

He bolted upright and leapt to his feet and before he even knew what he was doing, he was sprinting out of his tent.

“KALLIAN!?” he shouted, “KALLIAN!?”

“What! What! What!” Kallian exclaimed running from her tent, “what’d I do now? What? What?”

He ran to her and pulled her to him, holding her tightly as he buried his face into the spot between her neck and shoulder, uncaring as her body stiffened unable to stop the string of Antivan that spilled from his lips as he told her how much he loved her, how he had missed her, how he needed her in his life and begged her not to leave him ever again.

“I don’t really get it,” Kallian said bringing her hands up to rub his back soothingly, “but it’s alright.”

No, it wasn’t, he wanted to retort, it wasn’t because she had lied.

She had left him behind.

But he held his tongue and calmed himself by breathing in her scent.

“Kallian, get away from him!” Alistair hissed, “did you forget he was _hired to kill us?”_

“You worry too much, Alistair,” Kallian replied flippantly as he felt a hand leave his back, likely to wave the former Templar off.

“And _you_ worry too little!” Alistair retorted, “don’t you remember what he said? Loghain especially wanted _you_ dead!”

Alistair’s concern was unneeded: he has never had any plans to kill her.

Leliana had been right: he had been in love with her ever since he’d first laid eyes upon her.

He reluctantly let her go, already missing the feel of her in his arms as he mentally kicked himself. He had just told himself that he needed to be careful, that she was incredibly sharp and would pick up on anything that stood out. Though he knew that she also wouldn’t push a topic someone didn’t want to discuss. 

She had her secrets and allowed others to have theirs, especially because of how unwilling she was of speaking of them.

He woke up every morning afraid that he’d find out that this was nothing more than a dream, but she was always there: waking up for last watch, putting on her makeup and doing her hair as she set about cooking breakfast.

Already, some things were happening differently than he remembered, and it worried him: she seemed to be getting along with Morrigan better than she had before. She also teased Alistair far more than she had before. She had the exact same personality as before, so why were things happening differently? Of course, she joked around with him just as she had in his memories, and he was often treated to hearing her whimsical laughter though he could now detect the hint of sadness in each laugh. 

Still, perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised: his Heart had always been an unpredictable woman, though, truthfully speaking, he did not need her to be even _more_ unpredictable than she already was… Perhaps that was why she was acting differently: it was because he knew what she’d do. It seemed like something that would happen in matters concerning her. He couldn’t fault her for it, that was one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her. 

He had loved that she was wild, willful, and free. 

That she answered to no one.

He had never met anyone like her before in his entire life, her hands were covered in blood, just as his were, but she was still innocent.

She lived her life without a single regret for anything she’d done… he knew that that was one of the reasons she had chosen to deal the final blow to the Archdemon, she knew that she would regret letting Alistair die.

He also knew that she had died regretting the fact that she had lied to him, and that she had left him behind… he knew that she had really and truly loved him. That she hadn’t been lying, and that it was because she had thought that Ferelden needed Alistair far more than it needed her.

Part of him wanted to steal her away, take her out of Ferelden, leave this mess behind, and not even give her the chance to die like that again. But he couldn’t do that to her, she had family here, and she loved them dearly.

And not that he really cared, she would never forgive him for it. He could break her and make her obedient, but then he wouldn’t be able to hear her laugh, and gaze into vibrant emerald eyes full of warmth, love, and life.… and she wouldn’t be Kallian anymore.

All he could do was use his knowledge of future events to change her fate.


End file.
